Labels: reflection.Wednesday, March 28, 2012
i've almost forgotten about this , i mean this website and this blog. it is a good sign i guess, i remembered that this is the place that will make my heart... mostly heartbroken. :) alright i guess there must be someone that thought i forgotten him/her will stop by and become my invisible audience... yes, i am saying you...hello friend and so long since i hear from you. i am fine and hope you were too!
you will not be surprised i decided to have this entry and just to tell you that well.. once again i am here to heal my soul. i am very happy for the past 17 months there is ups and downs and yes, i've never been so busy living every second to the fullest.i am having my break and reflecting on what i had done for the past 1 year.people that has been with me really taught me so much precious lesson. there is people who is bypasser, i guess it is meant to be one.out of all odds,i am changing for the better and i am still me. i am still the fish you know and always will. whether you like me or not it is your choice and i wish you the best in life.
10:00 AM
Thursday, April 8, 2010
just random post....
nothing is much more important than able to take care of yourself. what if this is not my strong point...or is it a path that have to be overcome? i wonder anyone went thru before? please do not be assailed from what i told you earlier.
i have this belief that every single people were brought up in different way and maybe have the same outcome. shall i say in Singapore, we were being bent on education and no other? i felt that was true all this while. that is why i hate being recognize myself from the paper call certificate.what about now? what about today? what if this paper making me going through things i do not wished to be? is this more than i can take it? right now as a staff of the company, i started to bear what is call the responsibility. that is why i do prefer to go this road... not because of anything but... because of something that actually shaken me and it had becoming a phobia that i could not overcome..... no one understand because no one cares or even notice i am changing. deep inside the crying soul has making me lose the will to be who i am. the mask that covers the true self has made me a weird freak doing things that i do not even notice i am overdoing it. forgave my acts if this disturb you all along.
i do envy those who are still pursuing what they wanted to be. their dreams still continues. these opportunity were given without angling for it. i must say i am not jealous of anything... if i want i could be somewhere i wanted to be.
i really have a taste of doing my way when i am burning with something that i called passion. i hope it still burns on... its a flame that burns, something that really makes me positive. strangers really stop what they were doing and just spend a second or even a minute to watch you shine. the fame that wins their heart and also respect.i found reasons to live then.this reason had lived through me so long and last a few minute. can this feeling be longer?
isn't so smooth. this isn't what i choose. so helpless now! no one could save but me. that my body isn't strong, those leg are going limb soon.my mind is so unhealthy. what is wrong with me?
i hope that more people could at least give concern. at least i am not transparent. if you do prefer to leave, i understand. i am not perfect,too little time to live, too little people to be with.i wanted to change to fit into what is call normal people. i can't.it is hard to be bullied by a group. attacking and being belittle all along. no matter how i tried, nothing positive but lies. i wanted to pull off the robe and walk away. i know no one cares, no one be there anyway. i really are thankful of some that really took care of me. those really taught me to be strong and a slim flame to lead the way.
people say you got to lost in order to gain something. this sounds like a trade. i am dumb enough to learn this in a hard way. that is why i really cannot put down all the memory. maybe some. no one can understand this message is private. i passed the password to let you read it. is because TRUST. someday i believe this message will leak and once again. this is not a secret between you(reader) and me. if you really feel that you will have the right to know and not others, let it be something for me to share to you. i can assure you that i only tell a few people like you whom i pass the password for you to read.
8:57 AM
Friday, April 2, 2010
its been so long i had been moved by anything. i had been thinking alot about what is important about being here on earth. it is weird to think like this.
what the heel i am doing... procastinating....procastinating....
"what am i waiting for?what am i stopping myself? why am i blogging? aren't i busy? why am i feeling so negative all alone? why?" i thought.
i am still reading, this time i started to pick up books that i had been avoiding all along, i had been visiting website that i find it boring or wasting time.
world news: port-au-prince, this earth quake has destroy all the buildings and homes. many lost their jobs, many lost their love one, there are continuous news report that the Haitian went hungry and thirsty. because of food, they search for food provided from the relieve team. many fought, most of them hugged their bags of food and not surrender to the bullies. lots of weak child was stepped when they are trying to get the foods.they fall sick and some gotten stucked under the buildings. some people still digging for lifes,hope for miracle,they choose not to give up so easily. leaders around the world speak up for people in haitian, to help out, to show they care.
depressed, angry,devastated, upset..... just because of this simple reason: no one can meet the contentment for the people in haitian despite the extra effort from countries. what is to do if no one care? what can i do other than flipping newspaper, reading news online?
everyone is able to make a little different, but it will change the world if everyone contribute a little each time.
i will pray for you~~~ Haiti
10:07 AM
what makes you a somebody? the quality that brings in you
how can people judge you through? your character
where you can know who you are? from the people around you
which factor makes you different from others? where you feel comfortable in what you do
why you want to do care about yourself? (everyone has an answer.)
it sounds very logical and common sense. the "something" that i never thought would matter so much in future brings so much importance in life.
this is a school that does alot of personal grooming behind close doors. all the people who graduated from this place mix with idealism people.... it is proven in the past. the people who is born in the 1990's.. hmm generation different.. expectation are different. i saw another types of culture. the few hour stay in JYSS makes me learn so much more than a year of ITE.
i went back to JYSS as turtle promised to bring me back for a visit.. we took some picture and walked around the school.
as usual, the perseverance block is still so creepy as before.... shall skip this part.. anyway!! i saw all my junior also coming back to visit choir.. we had a few hour talk over there..funny thing is that we actually bought chocolate for them and they do not want it! during this trip back school i found out many news related to JYSS. like guo jing went to JYSS to perform.. and the person who invite her is YE LAO... haha amazing move!! you know what i mean!!hahaz!
one of the most surprising news is this person.. he is actually my senior in secondary school! he announce in over the national radio of our school motto!... together we will succeed!! hahaz! he really done us proud!!
other than that i am proud of myself. because my drawing is used as a decoration in the school.. thats the socks i am saying.. 
and this is the carpark that i had sat for almost 5 years of my life!! punishment from teachers,detention for not bringing books!!! all sorts of things!!
the school has change alot and yea..
guess people who watch disney channel last year for HSM hong kong dance competition.. yea.. they are the school who went there to represent singapore..
hahaz whats more that makes me so happy!!! my fav. english teacher, Mr Edwin is now a vice principal of JYSS wow!! happy!!! hahaz! last year i still bump into him when i was going out with my BL chairman and vice-chair
what about my CCA? yes!! all the senior could not take the stress over there.. must be hard on you!! SYF is around the corner and as a almuni of the club.. i shall go to VCH to give support!!! jia you!!!
10:04 AM
1 点17分：
不想睡，我要过完这个时间。 这两天都吃roti prata 和 paper prata >_< 我实在很想吃sempang bedok 和 paper prata。
咳！还是让我上载 6月的照片吧！
蔡依林 赖裕廊坊时我刚好在场。。。 太多人了！太多人推来推去！omg 
6月28日
我和嫂嫂到china square 卖东西。很好玩！可是她迟到。只好下午才到！这个奶茶是我和嫂嫂一起喝的！她的头发剪短了海曼美的！哈哈！
lastly, both of us bought trANSFORMER 3D card and we are super loving it! i am damn jealous of her buying a set of cards for kor kor!
but nvm! i love the bumblebee card i bought. this is the highlight i guess!
okies catch me soon as it is time for me to have another round of makeover! pretty tired working all day long just wanna catch some thrill. before i go to sleep! i love dance!
10:00 AM
no hard feelings on a sport brand but that one is a KILLER FOR TODAY! yes the sales is damn attractive and my dear sports shoes wanna retired after serving me for 4 years straight.SO I BOUGHT A BRAND NEW SPORTS SHOES AND i change to another brand which believe i can dance better than my blue shoes... i thought of wearing it today and soften the base... I AM WRONG AND I GOTTEN BIG FAT FOOT AFTER WEARING IT...
next, my intuition htis when i felt that my boss will drop by and year.. the boss really came in today and i stupidly greet him like my customer... ehh whatever!! just give me my pay!!! haha kidding boss! haha! lucky i painted my face like red buttok as what u want me to do haha!!
next is that.. happy that i manage to sell a wool jackets.. haha a pat on the back.. once again my off days has come... holiday mood again!!
9:58 AM
