starting over again

everything that burst

2010-04-08T08:57:00.000-07:00

just random post....
nothing is much more important than able to take care of yourself. what if this is not my strong point...or is it a path that have to be overcome? i wonder anyone went thru before? please do not be assailed from what i told you earlier.
i have this belief that every single people were brought up in different way and maybe have the same outcome. shall i say in Singapore, we were being bent on education and no other? i felt that was true all this while. that is why i hate being recognize myself from the paper call certificate.what about now? what about today? what if this paper making me going through things i do not wished to be? is this more than i can take it? right now as a staff of the company, i started to bear what is call the responsibility. that is why i do prefer to go this road... not because of anything but... because of something that actually shaken me and it had becoming a phobia that i could not overcome..... no one understand because no one cares or even notice i am changing. deep inside the crying soul has making me lose the will to be who i am. the mask that covers the true self has made me a weird freak doing things that i do not even notice i am overdoing it. forgave my acts if this disturb you all along.
i do envy those who are still pursuing what they wanted to be. their dreams still continues. these opportunity were given without angling for it. i must say i am not jealous of anything... if i want i could be somewhere i wanted to be.
i really have a taste of doing my way when i am burning with something that i called passion. i hope it still burns on... its a flame that burns, something that really makes me positive. strangers really stop what they were doing and just spend a second or even a minute to watch you shine. the fame that wins their heart and also respect.i found reasons to live then.this reason had lived through me so long and last a few minute. can this feeling be longer?
isn't so smooth. this isn't what i choose. so helpless now! no one could save but me. that my body isn't strong, those leg are going limb soon.my mind is so unhealthy. what is wrong with me?
i hope that more people could at least give concern. at least i am not transparent. if you do prefer to leave, i understand. i am not perfect,too little time to live, too little people to be with.i wanted to change to fit into what is call normal people. i can't.it is hard to be bullied by a group. attacking and being belittle all along. no matter how i tried, nothing positive but lies. i wanted to pull off the robe and walk away. i know no one cares, no one be there anyway. i really are thankful of some that really took care of me. those really taught me to be strong and a slim flame to lead the way.

people say you got to lost in order to gain something. this sounds like a trade. i am dumb enough to learn this in a hard way. that is why i really cannot put down all the memory. maybe some. no one can understand this message is private. i passed the password to let you read it. is because TRUST. someday i believe this message will leak and once again. this is not a secret between you(reader) and me. if you really feel that you will have the right to know and not others, let it be something for me to share to you. i can assure you that i only tell a few people like you whom i pass the password for you to read.

hati

2010-04-02T10:07:00.001-07:00

its been so long i had been moved by anything. i had been thinking alot about what is important about being here on earth. it is weird to think like this.

what the heel i am doing... procastinating....procastinating....

"what am i waiting for?what am i stopping myself? why am i blogging? aren't i busy? why am i feeling so negative all alone? why?" i thought.

i am still reading, this time i started to pick up books that i had been avoiding all along, i had been visiting website that i find it boring or wasting time.

world news: port-au-prince, this earth quake has destroy all the buildings and homes. many lost their jobs, many lost their love one, there are continuous news report that the Haitian went hungry and thirsty. because of food, they search for food provided from the relieve team. many fought, most of them hugged their bags of food and not surrender to the bullies. lots of weak child was stepped when they are trying to get the foods.they fall sick and some gotten stucked under the buildings. some people still digging for lifes,hope for miracle,they choose not to give up so easily. leaders around the world speak up for people in haitian, to help out, to show they care.

depressed, angry,devastated, upset..... just because of this simple reason: no one can meet the contentment for the people in haitian despite the extra effort from countries. what is to do if no one care? what can i do other than flipping newspaper, reading news online?

everyone is able to make a little different, but it will change the world if everyone contribute a little each time.

i will pray for you~~~ Haiti

march 3 2009 visit to choir

2010-04-02T10:04:00.001-07:00

what makes you a somebody? the quality that brings in you
how can people judge you through? your character
where you can know who you are? from the people around you
which factor makes you different from others? where you feel comfortable in what you do
why you want to do care about yourself? (everyone has an answer.)

it sounds very logical and common sense. the "something" that i never thought would matter so much in future brings so much importance in life.

this is a school that does alot of personal grooming behind close doors. all the people who graduated from this place mix with idealism people.... it is proven in the past. the people who is born in the 1990's.. hmm generation different.. expectation are different. i saw another types of culture. the few hour stay in JYSS makes me learn so much more than a year of ITE.

i went back to JYSS as turtle promised to bring me back for a visit.. we took some picture and walked around the school.
as usual, the perseverance block is still so creepy as before.... shall skip this part.. anyway!! i saw all my junior also coming back to visit choir.. we had a few hour talk over there..funny thing is that we actually bought chocolate for them and they do not want it! during this trip back school i found out many news related to JYSS. like guo jing went to JYSS to perform.. and the person who invite her is YE LAO... haha amazing move!! you know what i mean!!hahaz!

one of the most surprising news is this person.. he is actually my senior in secondary school! he announce in over the national radio of our school motto!... together we will succeed!! hahaz! he really done us proud!!
other than that i am proud of myself. because my drawing is used as a decoration in the school.. thats the socks i am saying..
and this is the carpark that i had sat for almost 5 years of my life!! punishment from teachers,detention for not bringing books!!! all sorts of things!!

the school has change alot and yea..

guess people who watch disney channel last year for HSM hong kong dance competition.. yea.. they are the school who went there to represent singapore..

hahaz whats more that makes me so happy!!! my fav. english teacher, Mr Edwin is now a vice principal of JYSS wow!! happy!!! hahaz! last year i still bump into him when i was going out with my BL chairman and vice-chair

what about my CCA? yes!! all the senior could not take the stress over there.. must be hard on you!! SYF is around the corner and as a almuni of the club.. i shall go to VCH to give support!!! jia you!!!

2010-04-02T10:00:00.001-07:00

1 点17分：
不想睡，我要过完这个时间。这两天都吃roti prata 和 paper prata >_< 我实在很想吃sempang bedok 和 paper prata。

咳！还是让我上载 6月的照片吧！

蔡依林赖裕廊坊时我刚好在场。。。太多人了！太多人推来推去！omg

6月28日

我和嫂嫂到china square 卖东西。很好玩！可是她迟到。只好下午才到！这个奶茶是我和嫂嫂一起喝的！她的头发剪短了海曼美的！哈哈！

lastly, both of us bought trANSFORMER 3D card and we are super loving it! i am damn jealous of her buying a set of cards for kor kor!
but nvm! i love the bumblebee card i bought. this is the highlight i guess!

okies catch me soon as it is time for me to have another round of makeover! pretty tired working all day long just wanna catch some thrill. before i go to sleep! i love dance!

june2

2010-04-02T09:58:00.000-07:00

no hard feelings on a sport brand but that one is a KILLER FOR TODAY! yes the sales is damn attractive and my dear sports shoes wanna retired after serving me for 4 years straight.SO I BOUGHT A BRAND NEW SPORTS SHOES AND i change to another brand which believe i can dance better than my blue shoes... i thought of wearing it today and soften the base... I AM WRONG AND I GOTTEN BIG FAT FOOT AFTER WEARING IT...

next, my intuition htis when i felt that my boss will drop by and year.. the boss really came in today and i stupidly greet him like my customer... ehh whatever!! just give me my pay!!! haha kidding boss! haha! lucky i painted my face like red buttok as what u want me to do haha!!

next is that.. happy that i manage to sell a wool jackets.. haha a pat on the back.. once again my off days has come... holiday mood again!!

burst

2010-04-02T09:57:00.000-07:00

i just know my plan burst!.... my leg is arching always!!! really envy people who can sit or even lying on the flat floor... me... haha! standing and really seiously,,, fishie have to pay 100 bucks to motivate myself to stand up straight.

my plan burst, i could not go to the place that i promise myself to! does it mean that i got to wait for next year to go???

my plan burst, its my bad, another month i cannot maKE the photo shoot happen...

my plan burst, i cannot perform well after the heavy metal hit-ed onto my foot... really sad that... it is not the same anymore..... i hate to skipped lesson

my plan burst,,, could not attend cosfest....its like.... i had miss many event and i can't even would fight for a day to go for computer fair.

my plan burst.... if this is all the things i gonna break free, how am i going to arrange after that? i really very tired physically and mentally...

pillars are not there. loads are adding on....admit that i could not sleep well recently. when one soul wish that someone is lifting thm. they oat to be there. promises is promises. i promised all that i take care. what they want is the result. only myself will bear the process, that is what make you so clear.

arug!!! whatever!!!

spring cleaning

2010-04-02T09:56:00.000-07:00

you know i can stay up late and force myself to sleep late. i know its unhealthy... in my mind. there is a place i always want to go... somewhere i want to do. however i knew in my heart. i cannot do that anymore. i longed to do it in march. however i had failed to did it once again.hiaz... fated that i cannot get that this year... nvm next year.... haha!!! maybe this useless item really kept me thinking for almost few years.... >_< sorry too emotional recently.

anyway.... XUE TING I WANT MY CAKE I WANT MY CAKE...!!!! YOU KNOW I WANT THAT CAKE.... I DON;T CARE, GIVE ME THE CAKE AND NO ONE GET HURT...KAKAKA..... haha joking like always... you also stay happy. and also jump me a surprise soon! and yes... may this consider a update before you tell me this blog is having "butterflies".....lava....WHATEVA"!

to sao sao: sorry again! nv could i be able to make it work! maybe kor really don't want you to spend it!!! hmm!

stress level is getting up due to many matter...matters me.... hope there is something for me to release all the bad aura out.

i want my cake.
i want to dance
i want to eat my maggie mee
i want my holiday
i want my milk tea.
i want my ice cream

i am thankful to have more things added in my room. so happy and yes... new thing come. old thing must go... i have to be materialise. change for the better when is needed. you know, everyone room getting crowded when memories you do not wish to throw...right now turns out to be a garbage in your house... you bet!

after this round of spring cleaning i promised to used everything and until then.... to save myself from debt...
i shall use this 2 month to prove my words!

at the same time.... i hope i can just pass everything to those who need my item more than me. :) salvation army maybe!! anyway i love that place too and LOVE to visit again:) and people. if you are interested what i wanna give out. give me a dial! ^^

i shall stop here now!

april 1st 2010

2010-04-02T09:54:00.000-07:00

sleepless night is equally bad for health= no sheep on duty to float around= forcing the universe to turn the night to day immediately=bad complexion = could not identify day and night= very hungry= naive thoughts of being vamp

july 15 2009

2010-04-02T09:51:00.000-07:00

nothing much but having a sore eye for few day.

bought a shirt that i found out NOT SO GOOD QUALITY

NOt so bad mood so far as i do enjoy working

still learning,listening to feedback

went to orchard central

wanted to go to salon but have no idea which place to do my hair.(any suggestion??）

awaiting for august to come, as expecting a better month to come

night is getting hotter i dunno why

have some issue with dance lesson but still super loving dance.

stop here now!

fish

june 27

2010-04-02T09:50:00.002-07:00

wa lao ehhh!! what i day today for me. alot of happening today bad news alot... good news also alot...

how how
how how!!

bad news- i kana have less time for my darling
- i need to postpone all my plan
-i leg kana rolled over by the NTUC trolley
-i gonna admit earning ppls pay isn't so easy!
-i need a recharge and some motivation from people....any kind soul willing to do me this favour?
- the previous post which i mention that i met him and yea.. zai zai he is with another girl again!!but he saw me lookin at him
(haha i doubt he still remembers my name)
- my dear MJ just went to heaven on 25/6/2009(which is 26th in singapore timing) some more i am listening to his men in the mirror song
happily in the bus.. gosh!! i miss your moonwalk! RIP...your godly icon of pop will last eternity...

good news- ber ber finally find new love(misssion accomplished!!)
- i finally able to talk to ber ber... miss x 10000000000
-marble cake is finally out of his mind
-ber ber promise me a spotlight dinner with fish
-ber ber promised to eat his mom's yong tou fu
-i finally can meet up sao sao
-i bought dvd for my dad to watch
-i finally can watch my hk drama... jap darma...korean drama
-heng i came to work early... i gotten my cheesecake while waiting for xue ting to come.
-heng last minute got people buy things or else i gonna buy something on top of the leave thingy
-heng i haven meetup ber ber or sao sao for anything or else i dunno how to handle my financial status
-fish must have a good rest! fighting fish!!

june4

2010-04-02T09:50:00.001-07:00

firstly helicia is in the car. butterfly in my stomach is making me uncomfortable. we as a gang went outing before all went different way. time flies but what is important is every moment spend.

4th june is a day that are suggested by helicia and we started it all from there. i am quite happy that at least people chip in ideas here and there. like renting cars to buying surprise presents. eating foods and going to marina barrage. me and hel sat behind while both guy sat in front

天上的风筝哪去了！。。。
back then, lee wei siong and lee si siong compose this song in marina bay.

haha a random shot anyway

after dinner all went different way. left me and cindy...it is funny that i saw her outside the lift while i talked to ber ber over the phone
but lucky it is a short session. both of us went to watch BLOOD, the last vampire. not really that nice though.. but i do enjoy the ah peh (kato) who ran in a funny way.

anyway thanks for the ride credit to mak and yi hao.

2009 27/5

2010-04-02T09:36:00.002-07:00

busy tired! whatever it is! work is fun and many unexpected stuff. laughter all the way and i met many people who wanna find a place in the shop. it really shows how bad the economy is! i have no complain although i am poorly paid in this job. i am going to work on until my 5 year plan is fulfilled completely! fight fish!

i felt so sad when i open my mail after a long day of work.. i recieve a message that makes me hate facebook! why do i get your bad news why! why!..............if i have your answer...............until then.. i shall wait for your replies..............

2010-04-02T09:36:00.001-07:00

today dance is one of the highlight! i came 1 hour early to practice the dance step! ahlamak! cannot make it lor! but much better than last wednesday when i gabra all the dance step like!!*(&$.. well anyway! today learn michael jackson song "BEAT IT" i am so loving the dance step!!! they laughed at me when i am doing on of the dance move! their comment is like so funny:

guy: haha! you very fierce leh!

fish: haha!(turn around and redo the whole song)

the rest of the girl: .....(smile)

jacky: ok fishhie you do the lead all over again! must do 100% perfect huh!

fish:.....

so here is the whole thing.. dunno why but very looking forward for the next few weeks!

P.S:i am gonna be MJ possesed this few days! lolx!

2010-04-02T09:34:00.000-07:00

不像睡，不想说，也不想玩。
封闭自己是应该还是一种逃避？
夜生人静的夜晚让胆小的心灵放下种种负担。
回忆；让人欢喜让人愁。
过去的事，让他过去，无论好的坏的，已经过去了，也不必把事情看得太重。
好的，就像一想；笑一笑。不好的，也就笑一笑；安慰自己，鼓励自己。

不想睡，不想闭上眼睛，也不想再梦见你。
现在变得不像我自己
天黑了，谁陪我到天亮？
你；是否听到我的呐喊？
多么要你关心，多么希望是一种舍

不想睡，不想听，再也不想知道你的事情
为了逃避，掩饰我自己。
夜太黑，我似呼迷失影子
这焕然的领悟，才知道你在我心里的地位
挽不回，放不下，舍不得。

决定走下去，不是因为痛
决定放手，不是因为勇敢
决定后的事，不是因为你

2010-02-02T09:54:00.000-08:00

people change, they change for better. they changes when the environment goes. they change naturally. this took place so sudden that it never need to ask for permission.
i am growing, sometimes, its strange that my inner child is making me so young and lively.
after looking back every picture, i growed up sliently and what remains are memory. picture speak a thousand words.
its time to go to the next stage of life. i am ready. thanks for people who had leave footsteps.
i have taste the sweetest part of life. the sourness of every matter. the bitterness of people. the spiciest part in the party.

i am looking forward for the year of tiger. what is installed for me then?

2010-01-18T02:22:00.000-08:00

good composed songs with meanings are worth to wait. even though it may take a year to release and some time to record the best tracks from the artist.

find that this couple of months all the nice songs really make my day. same as usual, my earpiece are stucked with breakupsongs. 3 years are worth to wait. i cannot believe what i had been through 6 years. 当然，谁对自己坦白，过得比较真实。放弃虽然可惜，一旦放弃自己，找回自己仿佛海底捞针。有时候你们的明白，能安慰一个受创伤的心灵。

another song is one of the best in 2009. because of the economic downturn, hanson hu compose a song to express the voice of all men... i find it so true especially when the part:假装女朋友爱我胜过那颗小玩意(tiffiny, LV gucci). =( so true!

no one are born perfect. I learn something!

The A

2010-01-12T22:43:00.001-08:00

The A – Z of Friendship

Posted using ShareThis

2010-01-03T08:54:00.000-08:00

i am so sad i cried as my tears flow like dunno what. i have no people to trust anymore. i am living for myself. i am the unloved and its been so long being a single one. those loved encounter and abandoned moment have make me numb and stone. i wanna start anew.
a new chapter and nothing to remember about! nothing worth to live with. nothing to make you stay.

take me up and let me go when you are not into me. i know you can't stay,but i won't be waiting anticipating on the fall.

2009-10-24T08:37:00.000-07:00

what i have learnt for getting so much treatment so far in this universial company.

control your mood no matter how moody you are
do not overtake other people credit
do not be afraid to raised up matter when trouble arrised
DO NOT REVIEW YOURSELF NO MATTER HOW GOOD YOUR COLLEAGE IS!
make sure you hide your bad points
make sure you smile no matter what happen
do not show your emotion no matter what
relax and chill no matter what happens
better off show good points
be confident
throw all the bad encounters in the previous job and start all over again
be sure not to be late for work
be hard working and try not to slack
being positive, no one wants to employ a person that always complains.

2009-10-23T11:21:00.000-07:00

i was so bloddy hell to know that wretch is give the hell lot of MIA and i ended up no more ccontact from all.